In our 30 years of marriage, Robin and I have worked on our relationship through books and classes and wisdom from our elders. Some of the advice was extremely beneficial and led to wonderful insights that helped grow our marriage. These insights are the inspiration and first goal behind the blog, ‘Loving the Married Life’.
Of course, if I am honest then I have to admit that much of the advice we were given was not great. It was crap. And it took years for me to acknowledge it, unlearn it and call it what it is. So, my secondary goal for ‘Loving the Married Life’ is to protect good couples from bad advice.
Like, when people tell you that marriage is hard and takes a lot of work and to not expect continuous good times. Well, I know that it is possible for you to have a continuous stream of good times and for those good times to be followed by better times. We’ve experienced it and we know others who have experienced it. We are simply Loving the Married Life and loving each other. And we want to tell everybody.
You’ve probably heard people of authority say that couples who marry have a 50% chance of staying married. Or they’ll say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The recurring theme is what I call the “Marriage is 50/50” myth, the belief that every marriage is subject to the odds like a roll of the dice or the purchase of a lottery ticket. …the only thing holding my wife back from the full evolution of herself is time and effort… I have determined that I won’t be the thing that holds her back. Whatever her progression in life, it’s my job to encourage her along the way and it’s my privilege to find her at every milestone. Where daughters need to spend time in the workforce seeing who they could be, husbands need time seeing who their wives are out in the marketplace of society. We need to see the person she was before she became a wife and before she became a mother. Monogamy should be a basic tenet of marriage. I guess it should be. But I think it’s only true if your spouse doesn’t change. If he/she refuses to grow, refuses to change jobs, refuses to become educated or entertain new and original thoughts. If your spouse doesn’t change then – Surprise! – the only way to actually be with someone else is to embrace swinging as a pastime. The best decision regarding surnames is to follow what should really happen when a couple gets married. The two become one. The husband doesn’t join the wife and the wife doesn’t join the husband. Two individuals both leave their father and mother to join one another. This makes it odd that those two would pick the husband’s name to share. It’s one of those traditions that perpetuate the myth that, when you get married you marry the whole family. It’s euphoric to be naked with your spouse, laid bare, fully open and without pretense. It’s even better to be those things without feeling any hindrance of shame, to know that it’s right to have one person to be naked with. It seems like the only way they could have achieved that is if they had their own world. The king and queen of The Garden, never to be ashamed. To improve your marriage, forget the work and make investments. Invest time in conversation. Invest money in thoughtful gifts. Invest your energy in doing your wife’s chores. Invest your words in uplifting your spouse. Invest your body in making your wife’s body feel better. The deadliest myth about love rolls off the tongue like the lyrics from a pop song. Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough. […] My wife and I have enjoyed taking classes on marriage. Some might think that classes are for the ignorant. We choose to […] My girlfriend Robin and I did most things backwards leading up to our wedding. Aside from my proposal, which was really sweet, […]50% of All Marriages End in Divorce (Marriage Myth #6)
It’s Never as Good as the First Time (Marriage Myth #5)
Take Your Husband to Work Day (TYHTWD)
Marriage Means Monogamy (Marriage Myth #4)
You Always Marry the Family (Marriage Myth #3)
For a Happy Marriage, Do This at Night
Marriage Takes Work (Marriage Myth #2)
Love Ain’t Enough (Marriage Myth #1)
The Seven Myths of Marriage
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