[Reposted from 1/16/14]
My wife and I were watching television yesterday and I wasn’t on it. I watched TV the day before that and the week before that and I wasn’t on then either. Come to think of it, I have never seen myself on television or really anything like me. That shouldn’t be a surprise. I’m not an actor or musician or anyone who excels in the arts. I guess I’m just a regular guy and regular guys don’t get on television. So maybe that’s my problem, I don’t want to think of myself as a regular guy. Maybe I’m secretly watching Scandal and Finding Mary Jane and The Good Wife and wanting to be one of the characters. No, that’s not it. I’m fine with me. I like me and, even better, my wife like’s me. My problem isn’t that I’m not on television. My problem is that I’m average and I’m not on television. Let me explain.
Every day millions of people watch one of the shows I mentioned above. Finding Mary Jane, the new BET drama from Mara Brock Akil, got crazy Nielsen ratings and was trending on Twitter long after the show was over. The Good Wife is NBC’s juggernaut and Scandal, ABC’s powerhouse show, has been at the top of the ratings consistently. So millions watched Finding Mary Jane. And Finding Mary Jane has tons of Black guys in it. It stars Gabrielle Union, airs on BET and has no shortage of Black guys in it. Mary Jane’s casual sex partner is a Black male, her boyfriend who is also married is a Black male and her out of work brother is a Black male. Oh, and her other brother who sells weed is a Black male and her gay coworker is a Black male. Yep, that’s five Black males with recurring roles on a primetime television show. (I left out the stripper who came to Mary Jane’s house for her “girls night in” party. He is a Black male, too.)
It used to be that Black males couldn’t get work in Hollywood. When Robert Townsend wrote, directed and starred in Hollywood Shuffle he put a big spotlight on the absence of roles for the dark male actor. The biggest joke in the movie was on Hollywood itself. That was in 1987 and this is 2014. Twenty-seven years of progress. I’m sure Robert Townsend is watching BET while patting himself on the back for opening up roles for Black males everywhere. Isn’t he?
Well, I’ve been told by Oprah Winfrey and Essence magazine that the roles of Kerry Washington and Gabrielle Union as “the other woman” are a success for all Black women. If that is true then I guess the role of a sex partner, married boyfriend, out of work, weed selling sex addict is a success for all Black men. Surely this is what Dr. Martin Luther King envisioned so I think I’ll spend January 20th pondering what we’ll do for an encore. On second thought, and with apologies to Oprah Winfrey and Essence Magazine, I think I’ll skip the celebration and have one of my own.
Chris Rock said something delightfully insightful. (Yes, the same Chris Rock that made the movies Pootie Tang and CB4). When referring to African American achievement he pointed out that exceptional people of any race will always find success no matter the odds; it’s when the average Black guy gets a shot that we’ll know we’ve all made it. Please note that I paraphrased a 15 minute monologue but I think you get the point. So when I say I have a problem being an average Black male and not being on television you should understand. And there are millions more like me who have the same issue. We are Black males, fantastically boring Black males, and we are not on television.
So, when I do watch television I’ll probably watch the same shows. Gabrielle Union was great in Deliver us from Eva and Daddy Loves His Girls. She’s entertaining no matter how pathetic her character is or how unrealistic her costars become. I’ll just make a point to remind myself after every episode of what a real, fantastically boring Black male is like. I’ll call my dad or my brother or go to work or go to church. That’s where they are and I know where to find them. But for you who don’t have a mechanism to get your Black man fix, I have something. It’s a list of truths (my truths) about the average Black male – a million strong and fantastically boring.
The average Black male wakes up in a home that he owns or rents.
The average Black male wakes up in a bed alone or with his spouse.
The average Black male gets out of his bed every morning and works.
The average Black male has kids and he knows who they are.
The average Black male likes Black women.
The average Black male is not afraid of Black women (even educated ones with money).
The average Black male has never hit a woman.
The average Black male likes learning things in his spare time.
The average Black male spends the entire day without breaking the law.
The average Black male goes to sleep in the same bed he woke up in.
The average Black male dreams about being left alone so that he can wake up and start the same routine over again.
May God bless the beautiful and fantastically boring average Black male.